finding aidoriginal
HOLYOKE SEM., June 14, 1857.  

My own John, --I never indulge in doubt and sadness but I afterwards feel self-condemned. Last week I felt quite troubled at the delay of the expected news from H[atfield].  I knew you would write me as soon as you heard from there, and I fancied you must be feeling a good deal of anxiety, and I could not bear to think of that, or of your being disappointed when the decision should be made known to you. But what a reproof has your letter been to me! I felt as if I must take a very low place before God. Oh, how He has blessed us. It seems to me that you could not desire anything more in a call. I love to know that you are loved-if H[atfield] is to be our place of labor I hope I shall win a place in the same hearts. If we can gain the affections of a people it does seem that we may reasonably expect to do them good.  I can say with you that I am more than willing to go to H[atfield]. It does seem now that I can give myself wholly to this work of life-to labor for Christ.  I pray that we may be led by the spirit of G.  It is so delightful to feel that there is a kind of providence in all the events of life.  I think I can welcome trials and suffering if Christ can be glorified. 

How the responsibilities connected with such a field of labor press upon us as we think of them as we are led to now. I shall pray most earnestly for preparation for the work for I feel my need. Oh, I do desire to assist you greatly in your labors, and my heart is too full for expression when I think of such a privilege being mine.  

You received a letter from me Sunday eve. Containing the account of an interview I had with Miss J[essup].  I told Miss J. that I was hoping to hear from you soon and would inform her when I did so.  It seemed that under the circumstances it was right for me to apprise her of your call, and I have done so.  I have not felt that I could return here next year, the work will be harder than I should wish to undertake next Fall.  I told Miss J. that they desired you to settle in Nov. if you accepted the call. She seemed to think the time was near at hand and I should have enough to do; --said if H[atfield] was my home that perhaps she would spend her winter vacation with us. 

Oh, John, I do not think I am worthy of the confidence that has been expressed by the teachers & scholars, but I am encouraged by it to hope for future success. If it can be for the best I hope we shall have health & strength to labor for many years.  

I think Miss J. will make no further reliance on me.  I intended to remove every expectation she might have had of securing my services.  I was not hasty was I?  And will you pardon me for not waiting to year from you?  I felt confident that if you were acquainted with the facts in the case you would not advise me to return even if it would not essentially interfere with other duties.  Two others have been invited to return. 
If you think of coming to So. H[adley] this week I will suggest Tues. or Wed. as the most convenient days for me. I have a presentiment that Tues. is to be given up to visiting the mountain. I shall not go away from the Sem. I think on either day. I cannot have much time to see you on study days till after four o'clock. 

Good night  


Your own Love. 

finding aidoriginal